Jacko

How come it takes up to 8 weeks to get Michael Jackson's toxicology results when Taggart can get them in 10 minutes? It must be a conspiracy.

MPs' Expenses

Sorry Miss, I couldn't give in my homework because my sister accidentally set fire to it and the fire brigade sprayed water over it which set the dog off in a frenzy who then ate it. This kind of feeble excuse sounds almost plausible compared to the pathetic "oversights" and "regrettable errors" cited by some MPs when their expense claims are downright fraudulent. Why so many of them were passed seems to me a subject worth investigating on its own. The Fees Office must be weighed down in brown envelopes. It would be so much more honest (not a word bandied about much in this scandal) if they fronted up in a "Sorry, but look, we aren't paid very well so we were encouraged to take whatever we could get in the way of expenses" kind of way.
At BBC News, my erstwhile employer, they used to give journalists a watch. They're much prized possessions - some had the test card on their face. A story goes about how Michael Buerk and Keith Graves, during a few idle moments, were complaining that their watch straps were fraying. One of them then burrowed into the regulations book and emerged triumphant with the discovery that there existed a watch strap allowance. If it's offered, you'll take it. But I bet no one claimed for the watch strap allowance who didn't have a watch!

Golliwog

I see the Daily Mail is at it again. That purveyor of small-minded prejudice blames the BBC for getting its own back on Maggie by sacking her daughter for the use of the word Golliwog. So, the BBC deliberately employs Carol Thatcher on BBC1, Radio4, Five Live etc etc deliberately so that one day it will catch her out when she says something offensive. Yeah, right.
By the way, I once interviewed Mrs Thatcher while I was a young reporter working for the English section of the Dutch World Service. Carol was then working for the small London station, LBC. Such was Ma Thatcher's dislike of the BBC, which she regarded as dangerously liberal, that she insisted via her PR attack dog, Bernard Ingham, that interviews for LBC get priority over national BBC radio and TV. Ingham swore at me in front of Mrs T when he thought I'd muscled into an interview without permission. In fact, Maggie had asked me if I wouldn't mind doubling up because she was running short of time. Never a fan of hers, politically, I have to say she was absolutely charming. Yes, I know... good cop, bad cop.

Malaria

I've just returned from a couple of weeks in Bolgatanga in northern Ghana. Even though the rainy season is over, the hospitals are packed with those ill with malaria. Even though local people have a certain amount of immunity, one Ghanaian nurse told me that most get it several times a year. For the young and the old it can be fatal. Thousands die each year. For those who just get ill, it saps one's energy for several days. Even two of the white people I was with succumbed to it despite being on anti-malaria pills which the local people can't take because of the long-term side-effects.
So, I was very pleased to read a report in today's Independent that suggests a malaria vaccine might be only five years away. This will not only save lives but a huge amount of resources too. And the people will feel a whole lot better, though they couldn't be any friendlier.

Jonathan Ross

Jonathan Ross is an intelligent and articulate man with a sharp wit. The more's the pity that so often this wit is used to fuel a macho and often puerile sense of humour. He and Brand clearly overstepped the bounds of decency with the comments they left on Andrew Sach's answer phone even though some have gone somewhat overboard with their holier-than-thou criticisms.
However, I don't agree with those who say that people like Ross and Brand shouldn't be on the BBC. We don't want Ross and Brand to be replaced by Dross and Bland. There's room for an edgy kind of humour and it's proved popular with listeners. In this case, the sequence should simply have been edited out. Critics of the BBC should note that it's a good thing that producers are left with the freedom to edit their programmes without continually having to refer up. However, the down side of this is that when they don't refer up when they should have done, you get an out of proportion reaction. I don't think heads should roll over this other than the producer at fault. However, a large section of the public is smelling blood and the BBC will undoubtedly cave in and sack some assistant head as is their wont.

Football Crazy

So, the Tectonic Plates within football have shifted again. Why, I ask as a lifelong Man United supporter, did the royal family of Abu Dhabi have to buy City? What was wrong with Newcastle, Tottenham, even Liverpool? Whatever next? Will a syndicate of Martians buy Colchester United using kryptonite as currency? It's a funny game...

Why I Love the Olympics

By chance I turned on the TV and the women's weightlifting was on. During the five minutes or so I could watch it, I saw a Chinese woman screaming at herself to get her adrenalin flowing before her lift. She then got to the stage of lifting the weight above her head, but couldn't stay still and staggered around like a drunkard before dropping it. A huge Turkish woman then burst into tears on her coach's shoulder because she'd achieved the silver medal. Such drama!
I know I'll never watch weightlifting again until 2012. The same goes for most of the sports outside of track and field. I never thought I could get so excited about the performance of a Scottish canoeist or a badminton player from Bedford. I remember some years ago when the nation stayed up to the early hours to watch our curling team at the Winter Olympics! I can't remember any of the rules of that sport any more, just as I will soon forget what an ippon is or what makes good dressage. Part of the beauty of the Olympics is its extraordinary variety enhanced by the fact it only comes around every four years.